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Sex. It’s a part of love or at least it should be, in my opinion. So why is it so hard to write about?
My biggest concern when writing sex scenes is my thoughts on who is going to read it. I know it’s crazy, but once I do get out of my character’s head and back to reality, I think about my aunts, uncles, cousins, sister, and friends who will read what I wrote. To me, it’s my character’s POV but I know in reality, my family will realize I wrote that because they don’t understand how it to be inside a character’s head. Hopefully, they’ll be in the POV and won’t even think about me writing this, LOL. But it’s still a thought, a dread, a fear of writing that particular scene that keeps me doubting on how to (or even if I should) write it.
Sex, even creative sex, is a magical part of a relationship, which is why I like to include it in my stories. Some books have a lot of sex, some books have a little sex, and some are spicier than others. Most of the time, we don’t talk about it with others. But when you’re writing about it, it feels like others are going to think these terrible thoughts about what kind of person you must be. Writers, am I right?
In talking with several writers, I realize there are many different approaches to writing a sex scene, and many different opinions regarding the writing and reading of sex scenes. One writer even said she didn’t think they were as necessary today, and the popularity of sex scenes was fading.
I disagree. Personally, I like them when they aren’t long, arduous, or graphic. I like a little shock, but I prefer to read about the emotive part of the sexual experience. With the build-up of tension between two characters that are falling in love, closing the door on a sex scene doesn’t feel right to me. Of course, there are some novels where a sex scene wouldn’t move the story forward, and that’s perfectly okay.
I have written some sweet stories with absolutely no sex (none yet completed or published at this time but maybe hopefully in the future). However, my romantic suspense stories always have some sex scenes as long as it moves the story (and the relationship) forward. There’s no point in having a sex scene just to have a sex scene.
Also, I believe writers are afraid of writing sex scenes. Partly because of what I just admitted to you about family, and partly because they have no idea where to start. That’s when, as a writer, you have to get out of your head and get into your character’s head. Don’t overthink it. And remember, there’s always a rewrite and plenty more rewrites.
What about you? How do you feel about sex scenes in a romance novel?