Last year, my boss of fifteen years decided to retire. Doesn’t seem like a big deal unless you work for a politician. When he leaves, the chances the new guy doesn’t keep you is pretty high. He was a longstanding District Attorney, (30+ years of which I worked with him half of those). When the next DA came into being, I was lucky enough that he decided to keep me. I am the longest-running employee there, with the others a couple of years behind me. Not bad, all things considering.
I was happy for my former boss, but also nervous. We’ve grown close over the years, and I respect the heck out of him. I was concerned for myself but also concerned because I know he likes to stay busy and I was worried about what in the world he would do now that he retired. He wasn’t getting any younger, and his ranching wasn’t easy on him anymore. I should also mention that my sister worked for his wife for fifteen years until she met a man she wanted to be with and moved away. She and my boss’ wife were very close.
The other day, I was going to work as usual. His other office, his title office wherein my sister worked, is two doors down, so I see him often. I knew something was wrong as soon as I saw my coworker talking and crying with one of the girls at his office. I approached, demanding to know what was wrong, and learned his wife had died in her sleep.
My world was devastated, as I know many people’s world had changed. She was so full of life and energy, so much a part of the community, that I thought she’d outlast everyone. And now, just over a year after my boss retires, she died peacefully in her sleep.
Grief is something I’m familiar with but not something I understand. I continue to be disheartened and unsure how in the world I’m supposed to get over this. A sudden, unexplained death is never easy, and as I walk up to the door of my office and glance over to where this wonderful woman used be, I question why in the world these things happen and how life will go on for her family. I question how I can be there for my former boss, a family I greatly respect. I question how this could have happened, why it happened and especially why it happened now, and what in the world I can do to make sure every moment of every day counts for something. It’s so easy to get lost in the everyday minutiae of life that you stop appreciating the small things. I’m convinced life was never supposed to be this hard—too much work and not enough play—but it is what it is, and we have to learn how to deal with it to the best of our abilities.
It was a week ago, and my life has since been changed. I count many sad losses in my life but continue to find hope in the small things. I think that’s the best we can do. That, and appreciate every moment we are given.