In Final Mend, Jake is a recovering alcoholic who has also abused drugs in the past. Within the pages, we read about his ongoing struggle, the struggle with alcohol, his fight to keep from drinking and his fear that, with just one drink, he’ll go back to the way things used to be. I wrote about this very sensitive subject because of my own experience with this terrible disease. Not me, but within my family.
Monday, I lost my uncle to a senseless death at only fifty-three years old. He drank and drank and drank, knew he was doing it and just stopped caring. He gained a lot of weight over the last few years. He stopped being the person he used to be and started being a drunk. Still, pieces of his personality came out. Some would even say he was so much fun to be with as they were partying with him. But I wonder if they knew who he was, the potential he had before alcohol consumed him.
Finally his liver and kidneys shut down. The poison ended up effecting every part of his body and he ended up with encephalopathy as well as other problems. The only thing they could do was put him in comfort care and watch him die. Thankfully, it didn’t take long, and the family didn’t have to see him suffer. He already lost his dad, a brother, his sister, and other cousins and family members (not all to alcohol, though!), so his mother, still living, faced the loss of her 3rd child.
The range of emotions loved ones feel is too chaotic to put into words. They face the same emotions anyone who has experienced death faces, but on a difference scale. I think for some, denial usually comes before death. Denial that it’s as bad as it really is. Denial that this disease is going to kill them. Denial that they really have that much of a problem. And we all know alcoholics have that denial. Then there’s anger. I was so angry at him. Even stopped going to see him when he was alive and well because it was pointless. He was always drunk or drinking. And when he was in the hospital and finally put in comfort care, I still felt anger until I went and saw him. I thank God I had the chance to say good-bye and tell him I love him.
Then there’s the bargaining. Oh, if he could only get through this, I’d help him this time. I’d try harder. Maybe I could have done more to help.
And then of course comes the depression. A person dies, is gone forever, and leaves those behind with such terrible sadness. Some things can’t be controlled, and alcohol, unfortunately, can be one of them. Many people destroy themselves. Drinking isn’t bad, but the excessive drinking is. Your body has to repair itself, and cannot when you have that poison running through your veins every second of every day. For those with a problem, it’s a terrible terrible thing. And although my uncle has succumbed to this terrible disease, I still see people in my family with this struggle. It scares me to death as I wonder how I can make them see, how I can help.
Those with an alcohol problem usually get angry when you confront them. That’s the denial talking. They don’t have a problem. They can quit anytime.
Alcohol fixes nothing. It gets ahold of you and will never let up. It takes a lot of strength to get it under control. And for those too depressed to just not care, it’s even harder. If you know someone like that, it’s hard to help them. The experts say they have to want to get help in order to help. But I’m not sure I believe that. Sometimes it takes a force, a huge stand, but you can help. Learn everything you can about this, but don’t empower them to keep drinking by being acquiescent or supplying liquor or even drinking with them.
I know how hard it is to stop. Alcohol is fun, it makes you feel good. You’ll stop tomorrow and drink less today. You bargain with yourself or others, but it becomes a pattern. Maybe you don’t drink on Tuesday but you drink more on Wednesday.
Hey, if you can have one or two and be done with it, that’s great, you probably don’t have a problem. But it can turn into a problem, and if you’re drinking more than 2 or 3 every night or waking up waiting for your next drink, please get help. Even if you go to work every day but guzzle half a bottle of vodka when you get home, it’s a problem or the start to a problem.
Most likely, you won’t be able to do this alone unless you have a huge amount of will power. Find new hobbies, new friends. It doesn’t have to be AA. A true alcoholic needs a healthy way of quitting because quitting can be just as dangerous as drinking.
I’m not trying to lecture here. I just needed to talk over my thoughts. Eventually, I’ll experience the 5th stage of death, which is acceptance. I accept that he’s gone, but I never want to forget or accept that alcohol took him, and if I can help someone else from succumbing to this terrible poison, I’m at least going to try.